The ULTIMATE contest!
by FantasticallyTragical
Summary: This is a contest between the Fairy Tail Mages and Ed and company. It's my first fanfic so please feel free to give me whatever critism you'd like... if it's, y'know, helpful... Haha... Okay, I'm shutting up now... :)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! AppleDapple here! Acouple of days ago in Geometry Class, I thought to myself 'in an ultimate smack down of all my favorite anime/manga characters, who would win?' then I realized that that wouldn't really work since all of my favorite characters have such diverse abilities(alchemy, magic, wrench-throwing)! but is was still plagued with this question, so I hijacked the TARDIS (the Doctor is fine, he says thanks for asking) and made a beeline for Amestris and Earthland. Once there I kidnapped- I mean INVITED several characters to The Great Auditorium (cue dramatic music) DUNDUNDUUN! To relive my mind... and so, here we all are for the EPICEST alchemist vs. mage smack-down! Without further ado, I give you CONTEST!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again, people! This is the first actual chapter! YAY! **

Diclaimer: I don't actually own any of these characters... if I did, I would worry about my sanity...

**The scene we are opening on is me and Ed and Al in a... well... a place... Ed and I are eying each other distrustfully while Al is off kidnapping stray cats... (remind me to free those cats)...**

Me: *** **stares at Ed *

Ed: * stares at me *

Me: Okay... who's taller?!

Ed: I'm 4'11"!

Me: Bwahahahahaha! I have finally surpassed you!

Ed: What are you TALKING about?!

Me: * doing victory dance * I'm taller than you! I'm taller than you!

Ed: WHAT?! LIES!

Me: I AM! I'm four feet, eleven-

Ed: So am I!

Me: * kicks him * SHADDUP! I wasn't done! I'm four feet and eleven and ½ inch!

Ed: I don't believe you!

Me: GYAAH! How DARE you call me a liar! SHRIMP!

Ed: MIDGET!

Me: WHO ARE YOU CALLING TOO SMALL TO SEE OVER THE BACK OF A WORM, ALCHEMY FREAK?!

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING TINY ENOUGH TO STAND ON THE HEAD OF A PIN, FOUR EYES?!

Gajeel Redfox: You're BOTH midgets.

Me, Ed: * slowly turn *

Gajeel: …

Me, Ed: (in full-rage chibi mode) I'M NOT SHORT, YOU EYEBROW LACKING FREAK!

Ed: * launches bad-ass alchemy skillz)

Me: BUBBLE DRAGON'S ROAR!

Gajeel: * goes flying, lands on LinGreed *

LinGreed: Ow! What the HELL?!

Me: (heart eyes) LING!

Greed: It's GREED.

Me: Oh, pshaw! You're both hot! * Glomps him with a hug *

Greed: I know

Ling: (sounding strangled) Ed... help...

Ed: * spurns him *

Ling: WAT?!

Ed: You still haven't paid off your room service bill!

Ling: WAT?!

Me: (suddenly) SHUT UP!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~instant silence~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: * grins in a freakishly Mirajane-esque way * Thank you... now, to the actual contest! The first theme is Best Destroyer... Team Fairy Tail, Team Amestris, you get five minutes to choose your-

~Randomly, Scar and Gildarts fly through the air and almost behead me~

Me: HEY! No throwing people!

~Nobody looks sorry~

Me: (sarcastically) Wow... I feel so loved...

~cue several seconds of awkward silence, complete with cricket noises in background~

Me: * claps hands * Okay, ANYWAY! You guys see those large slabs of rock? ~two large slabs of rock appear magically~

Scar: * silence *

Gildarts: Yeah.

Me: Good. Destroy 'em.

Gildarts: ...what?

Me: DESTROY THEM! Wipe them from existence!

Gildarts: Oh, Okay. CRUSH!

~half the place crumples to dust~

Me: * stares *

Gildarts: * grins *

Scar * says nothing *

Me:...(realization suddenly sinks in) WHAT THE HELL?! I said destroy the SLAB! Not the WHOLE DAMN WORLD! GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

~everyone stares as I sob dramatically~

Me: * suddenly perking up * Scar! Destroy the last rock!

Scar: * makes the slab go KABOOM with his right arm *

Me: Yep... you win!

TFT: WHAT?!

Me: He only destroyed the rock! Not the world, like Gildarts * glares at said mage *

Gildarts: * slinks off in shame* \

Me: And when Scar destroyed it, it looked cool! All alchemy lightning zzzzzBAM! Kablewy! Bye-bye rock! It was music to my ears!

Kimblee: That's my kind of woman!

Everyone: * sweat drops * Hey, old man...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I have writer's block on my main story, **_**Double Memories**_**, so here I am…**

**A….A**

**The scene opens on all of the main characters of Fullmetal Alchemist and Fairy Tail milling around aimlessly. Suddenly, the ceiling opens to reveal the light of day and I descend, riding a multi-colored glow cloud…**

Me: I have returned, losers!

Everyone: WHO YOU CALLIN' A LOSER?!

Me: *floats majestically to the ground and dismounts glow cloud*

~~~SILENCE~~~~

Al's Armor: MEOW!

Me: *turns an accusing look on the younger Elric* ALPHONSE. LET THOSE CATS GO!

Al: But I like cats!

Me: I know. Me too. But cats don't like being in armor. I'm sorry to say, that while you are here in **The Great Auditorium **(dramatic music) you must refrain from recruiting cats to your cat army.

Al: How did you know I was making a cat army?

Me: I know many things, young padawan.

Al: *confused silence*

Me: LET THE CATS GO!

Al: YES MA'AM! *opens his armor, several dozen cats spill out and run off into the shadows*

Me: *makes choking noise* Where did you even GET all of those?

Al: I have my ways.

(If it's possible for an expressionless suit of armor to look crafty and evil, Al managed it.)

Me: *shakes head hard* Anyhow, guys, today is the next contest!

(Cue groans of "not again", "Oh, good grief" and "This lady is crazy!")

Me: *grins a little insanely* Why, of _course _I'm crazy. I'm a fangirl. A multi-fandom fangirl, to be exact… *laughs an evil laugh* Today in **The Great Auditorium (cue dramatic music)**, the nex-

Winry: *interrupting* Why do you say it like that?

Me: Say what like what? *glares*

Winry: When you say **The Great Auditorium (dundunDUUNN!) **– Oh my god.

Me: That's how you _have _to say It. It's the Law!

Ed: You're just messing with us, you little (censored)! Hey! What the (censored)?! Stop (censored)censoring me! HOLY (censored)!

Me: My, my. Watch your language, you little (censored). *huh?* What the (censored)?! Hey! Quit it! I'm not even (censored) swearing! OI!

~~~~Everything soon dissolves into chaos, Fairy Tail members and FMA characters alike, having every third or fourth word from their mouth censored~~~~

Me: *yelling over the noise* LEVY! FREED!

Levy, Freed: What do you (censored)? OOOH my (censored)!

Me: I need you (censored)- SHADDUP, BLEEPY NOISE! (censored)! I need you (censored) to try and (censored) out what's wrong! (Censored) guys are smart, (censored)?

Levy, to Freed: What did she (censored)?

Freed: Huh? I didn't (censored) that.

Me: *runs up, grabs Levy, Freed, Winry and Fuery by the back of the shirt and drags them to a quiet corner. * Okay, guys, you (censored) the smartest of (censored) the characters…

Winry: I'm pretty sure (censored) is smarter than me.

Me: Ed's also having (censored) identity crisis, and (censored) is trying to (censored) him down. And (censored), before you ask, (censored) didn't grab (censored) because he's book (censored), not machine smart.

Everyone: HUH?

Me: *groans* (censored). This is gonna (censored) awhile. *Pulls out pencil and pad of paper from my pocket and begins to write quickly*

_The paper reads 'guys, I need you to (censored)- Holy cow! One sec… Guys I need you to (censored) see what you can do to fix (censored) this problem. This (censored) box above my head (censored) runs the sound (censored) system. Fuery, you will (censored) probably be the (censored) best at this (censored) job, but the (censored) others are here if you (censored) need them. Go (censored) wild.'_

Me: Think you guys can (censored) do it?

Levy, Freed, Winry, Fuery: *nod*

~~~~half an hour later~~~~

Me: Hey! Did you guys fix it?

Winry, wielding a dangerous looking wrench: *nods* We had to completely disable the censoring feature. Sorry.

Me: *sighs* Ah, well. There goes my attempt to keep everything PG. *Whirls around* Alright, you guys! *Pauses, sweat-dropping*

Ed: HOLY SHIT! THANK GOD! NOW I CAN TELL YOU BASTARDS WHAT I REALLY THINK OF YOU!

Natsu: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU LITTLE ASS!

Ed: WHO YOU CALLIN' SHORTER THAN MUSTANG'S MINI-SKIRTS?!

Natsu: FIRE DRAGON'S ROAR!

Ed: *Claps, sends alchemy attack at Natsu*

Roy: *Pops up next to me, Riza Hawkeye close behind* Another fire alchemist?

Me: Nah. Fire Dragon Slayer. It's magic. Different properties, no equivalent exchange…

Roy: *impressed* That's awesome.

Me: Eh. Flame Alchemy has its advantages. It's more accurate, better for close range, no cumbersome spell casting. It's quicker, although Natsu's magic would win by simply overpowering his opponent. Alchemy requires strategy.

Roy: *sweat-drops* That was complicated…

Me: …Not really…

Riza: *sighs*

(Roy and Riza begin to chat. I pull out an iPad and begin reading manga. Suddenly…)

Me: *wails* NOOOO! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?! ZEREF, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! Begins flailing arms wildly, throwing iPad at Roy's head, and collapses into tears of madness, half-laughing, half-sobbing)

Zeref: *sweat drops* Why did she scream my name, flail violently and collapse in to tears?

Gray: *shrugs* No clue. She does that sometimes. We try to ignore it.

Me: *still sobbing*

Mavis: We like to call it a Meltdown.

Me: *runs over to Zeref and begins shaking him wildly* WHAT ARE YOU?! I DON'T GET IT! ARE YOU AN EVIL BASTARD? ARE YOU A MISUNDERSTOOD SORCEROR? IT'S TOO CONFUSING!

Zeref: …HALP!

Me: *collapses again*

(An awkward silence seems to seep up from the floor boards, interrupted only by my soft sobs.)

Max (He's been chumming it around with Denny Brosch because I think they would be bros) : I think her brain may have broken.

Brosch: Shall we her to see if she's alive?

Max: Sure. Shall we poke her with Broom?

Brosch: Absolutely! Excellent idea, my good man!

Max: *pokes me with Broom's handle*

Me: *grabs broom handle* *takes broom*

Max: *whimpers*

Me: *glances at clock* Well, lookit that, folks! We've run out of time! *glow cloud appears* See ya, losers! *begins to float off*

Max: Hey! Wait!

Me: *stops*

Max: That's my broom.

Me: Not anymore.

Max: ?

Me: It's be confiscated. Ciao.


End file.
